thoughts out loud

I have been through many a break up, but this breakup is perhaps the worst, the most heart wrenching, a time of grief like no other.  And, at the same time, a beautiful season to reflect on all the long days and nights, relish the moments of nurturing come to fruition, and take a moment to breathe in and breathe out in release.  This breakup I speak of – raising children into young adulthood – is not for the faint of heart.

As I have done many other times in life, I want to take this season and use it to help others who may not know what to do with the emotions, the feelings, the grief.  Not because I have it all figured out, but because I am living it in real time.  

While I know this may not be the case for everyone, in my world, parenting is not a choice.  Building a life around what our children need is not a choice.  Putting our children first over relationships is not a choice.  Realistically, being a parent is a privilege.  A literal gift from the Creator of the world.  A most treasured time of life.  

As those of us who have grown into our fourth and fifth decade of life are now aware, our need for the parents who raised us somehow magically reappears with time.  But for those of us in the season of having offspring in the throes of their 20’s and 30’s, we may find ourselves unsure of the role we are meant to play through the years that we suddenly have gone off our rockers in their eyes.  So what does one do when these children who needed you to quite literally survive now, in their minds, have no need for you? Or have not yet grown to see the value in the mistakes you have already made?  The wisdom you want to give? Or the love that grows with every day that passes by? 

Well, I can’t say I have all the answers to these questions.  But, I will say, the first bit of advice I have to give you is to allow yourself the time and space to grieve.  The people around you will think you are going crazy.  That’s okay.  Let them!  And, while they are looking at you like you are losing your mind, let the tears fall, allow the fears to run through your mind, feel ALL the madness that comes with a life that made sense suddenly not feeling so sensible.  Do NOT allow them to take that from you because it is in THIS moment, this season that you will come to a place where you get back to YOU.  

You see if you take a quick second and think back to when this journey all began, you will remember a time when you felt you had lost yourself in the throes of diaper changes, midnight feedings, playdates and car seats that should have been classified in the same genre as condemned houses.  Well guess what my beautiful friend!  It’s time to start back at that moment and delve into what other purposes your Creator placed you on this earth to fulfill.  

The privilege of being a parent will always be one of your greatest callings, but remember that being a parent is not your sole purpose on this earth.  If it were, we would all be parents and I know plenty of AH-MAZING humans who did not take on this role so I know that this is not so.  

So while I want to implore you to not let the people around you rush you through your season of grieving what has filled the decades you held so dear, I also beg you to not allow yourself to miss out on the beauty of this season and the many more to come. In the midst of the spontaneous tears, fill your time with exploration of what is to come.  Start back at day one and fill your time with newfound passions or long lost loves.  And enjoy the moments in between when those rascals do pop up and want your attention, knowing that it won’t be long before you suddenly have it all together again in their eyes.